A candid post about the current state of affairs (exercise edition)

I just wanted to note some things.

Firstly, this is my second failed attempt at doing my 6km run, in the past two days. Once because I ended up eating too late and cramping up (yesterday) and then today because my knee suddenly gave out right before (getting out of my fucking car wtf?!?!?)

This now makes 2 rest days in a row and a binge type thing yesterday (plus an almost binge today)

In all honesty it’s freaking me out. Just like it freaked me out yesterday.

But ive also noticed that when I feel more self loathing (99% because of body image, often because of lack of exercise) I tend to binge (lovely cycle isn’t it?)

So far im on my second (or third?) Week of my NTC program and I am genuinly enjoying it and I feel myself getting stronger and until school starts its a distraction from myself while im home alone all day and it gives me a sense of purpose. But at the same time I start to wonder if im getting obsessive again. Ive had issues with exercise. But then theres a part of me that feels like im just making excuses to not exercise because im lazy and this seems like an easy way out.

Honestly I don’t know. I just hate this feeling and I wish I loved myself enough to stop binging and I wish I could just ve healthy all of the time not 80% (by healthy I dont mean no chocolate, I mean moderation).

So yeah. Thats where I am right now. Any insight or suggestions would be much appreciated.

x
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